Cum ne facem ascultați
Cum să creștem un copil fericit!
July 11, 2017
Iubirea obsesivă
July 11, 2017
Pentru ca educația pozitivă să funcționeze, ar fi bine să renunțăm la pedepsirea sau amenințarea copiilor. Experimentând educația pozitivă, renunțând la educația bazată pe frică, vom descoperii cum copiii noștri încep să răspundă, evident, tot pozitiv, acestei noi educații. Iar acest lucru este valabil pentru copiii de toate vârstele.
Una dintre cele mai importante tehnici pe care ar fi util să o deprindem este aceea de a fi direcți cu copiii noștri. De obicei, părinții arată ceea ce îi nemulțumește, dar nu o fac printr-o cerere! Este ca și cum ai pescui într-un deșert! Șansa de a obține ceea ce dorim atunci când dăm ordine este foarte mică. Iată câteva exemple de acest gen:
| Mesaj negativ | Ordin implicit |
| Copii, faceți prea multă gălăgie! | Faceți liniște! |
| În camera voastră iarăși este dezordine! | Faceți curat în cameră! |
| Nu-mi place felul în care vă comportați cu sora voastră! | Fiți drăguți, nu vă purtați așa cu ea! |
| N-ar trebui să-ți bați fratele! | Nu-ți bate fratele! |
| Iarăși mă întrerupi! | Nu mă mai întrerupe! |
| Nu se poate să-mi vorbești așa! | Nu vorbi așa cu mine! |
| Data trecută ai întârziat! | Vino la timp! |
În fiecare dintre aceste exemple, părintele încearcă să-și motiveze copilul să facă un anumit lucru, concentrându-se asupra problemei, fără să-i ceară ceva. Doar dă ordine! De cele mai multe ori, copilul nici nu-și dă seama care este cerința implicită și pe cale de consecință nu face nimic.
Pentru a obține un rezultat direct, cerința trebuie făcută direct fără să ne mai concentrăm pe o expresie negativă! Sublinierea lucrului pe care copilul nu l-a făcut cum trebuie nu ajută la crearea cooperării. Să analizăm felul în care mesajele negative ar putea fi reformulate ca îndemnuri eficiente la acțiune:
| Mesaj negativ | Cerință pozitivă |
| Copii, faceți prea multă gălăgie! | Ați vrea, vă rog, să faceți liniște? |
| În camera voastră iarăși este dezordine! | Ai vrea, te rog, să faci ordine în camera ta? |
| Nu-mi place felul în care vă comportați cu sora voastră! | Fiți drăguți, vă rog, nu vă mai purtați așa cu ea. |
| N-ar trebui să-ți bați fratele! | Te rog, nu-l mai bate pe fratele tău. |
| Iarăși mă întrerupi! | Ai vrea, te rog, să nu mă mai întrerupi ? |
| Nu se poate să-mi vorbești așa! | Te rog, nu vorbi așa cu mine. |
| Data trecută ai întârziat! | Te rog, vino la timp. |
Este necesar să ne asigurăm că cerem, nu că dăm un ordin sau o comandă ca să-i motivăm pe copii, dar nu le oferim în schimb un motiv. Ca părinte, dacă ne explicăm punctul de vedere pentru a ne motiva cerința, renunțăm la putere. Prea mulți părinți bine intenționați încearcă să-și convingă copii să le urmeze instrucțiunile, în loc să le amintească faptul că este normal să se opună, doar că mama și tata sunt cei care conduc. Nu este nevoie să spunem „Este timpul să mergi la culcare. Mâine ai o zi grea. Ai vrea să mergi să te speli pe dinți?”, ci doar „Ai vrea să mergi să te speli pe dinți?”.
Este necesar să lăsăm la o parte explicațiile. Când copiii se împotrivesc părinților, ce cele mai multe ori o fac împotriva motivelor. Când renunțăm la motive, se opun mai puțin.
Ar fi interesant să descoperiți ce fel de mesaje transmiteți copiilor dumneavoastră și felul în care aceștia reacționează la ele. Sunt ascultători și fac întocmai ceea ce doriți? Sau se opun și ignoră cerințele pe care le formulați? Ce ajunge la copilul dumneavoastră din mesajul pe care îl transmiteți? Cum ați putea îmbunătăți aceste mesaje astfel încât să devină cerințe pozitive pentru copilul dumneavoastră?
81 Comments
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